I didn't hear about Anissa's stroke until this morning and she's been on my mind ever since.

Support for her today in the blogospere is beyond inpiring. She is deeply loved by her family and friends and the sheer volume of posts, tweets and positive comments are a testament to her character.

Anissa is funny, smart, caring and very welcoming. She's a fabulous mother and a courageous fighter for her children. 

I'm just one of many hoping with everything in my being that she'll be ok. I'm in your corner Anissa.

Come on universe/god/karma/fate/whatever, you need to step up and aim way higher on this one. Anissa's one of the good ones and she deserves to get better.    

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. I totally had to look this up, and discovered George Bush Sr. (shoot me) and Anne Frank (yay!).  

2. Where was your first kiss? Does where mean on me? Or where I was? I'll answer both... lips, boy's house  

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? Seriously vandalized? No... but this one time in college we exchanged several neighbours lawn furniture and gnomes in the middle of the night. It may or may not have involved special mushrooms.  

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes. Twice. The first was when I was 7 and got nabbed in kissing tag; I had a crush on him too. Second time I hit a guy that threatened a female friend of mine.  Lesson: Don't kiss me if I like you and don't mess with my friends, 'cause I'll knock your ass out

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? In choir... oh and Karaoke! Does that count? 

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? That certain something that makes them unique and confident. It's different with each person.  

7. What really turns you off? Self importance and I'm better than you attitude. 

8. What do you order at Starbucks? I live NOWHERE near a Starbucks. Maria @boredmommy was with me in the last Starbucks I was in. She laughed at me for ordering a Chamomille tea. I'm really a coffee girl though and love a plain full bodied coffee with lots of cream and one sugar.  

9. What is your biggest mistake? Wow. I've made so many. The biggest? Getting married to someone I didnn't love when I was too young. Or this...

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Hell no. I avoid getting hurt at all costs.  

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I love making people laugh.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Yes. When I was 19, I looked like a young and slim Kathy Bates. Thanks asshole!  

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? It's unavoidable with a 3 year old in the house.  

14. Did you have braces? Yes... for 5 miserable years. I am grateful now though.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes, though I'd like to be narrower.  

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Took me on night time a walk in a beautiful snow storm. We stopped for a rest in the park and he pulled out a special bottle of wine he had stashed in his coat.  

17. When do you know its love? You THINK you know when he makes your heart race, when you can't stop thinking about him, or when sweet little things he does makes you swoon. You KNOW it's love when all the chips are down and things look pretty grim and misererable... yet you still can't picture your life without him so you just try harder because giving up is not on your radar.

18. Do you speak any other languages? No, I'm lame.  

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? Yes. Burned my boobs. Never again.  

20. What magazines do you read? Oh boy that's a loaded question. I read TONS... Canada House and Home, Style at Home, Real Simple, Bon Appetit, Gourmet (used to anyway *sobs*), Canadian Living... ok any magazine that covers these topics: Design/Decor, Food/Entertaining, family, life, style... It's a problem.  

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Many times.  

22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Too many. My Dad, all of my grandparents and my brother in law 

23. Do you watch MTV? Not like I used to.  

24. What’s something that really annoys you? Morons and people who tell me how to do my job. Pretty much one in the same I guess.

25. What’s something you really like? Being creative... taking photographs, decorating my home - it's therapeutic  

26. Do you like Michael Jackson? In 1983 I loved him. It all went downhill from there.  

27. Can you dance? Love, love, love to dance, and after a few cocktails, I'm the best dancer ever! 

28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up? I've stayed up al night before many times. Those days are long, long gone.  

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? No, but my daughter was when she was 18 months old. I rode with her. Scariest day of my life.  

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? Of course!

31. Tag 5 people!

This is the first time I've done one of these on my blog. If I've tagged you and you want to play along that's great, but it's no problem if you don't. If you've already done this... well, I'm sorry about the duplication, oops!

Bejewell from The Bean 

Kim from Beautiful Wreck

Maria from Mommy Melee

Matt from The Kingdom of Matt

Clay from Mayopie 

(FYI: In case you’ve never done a MEME, just remember to link the person that tagged you, answer the same questions, and then tag five people to do the same. Have fun!)

My hubby and I met each other in the Trade Show and Events industry, so neither of us were new to the game. Chris works on the operations end and my experience lies in the sales/customer service/exhibit side. In 2005, Chris and a good friend of his started their own company. They were doing ok, but were really looking for a way to inject new life into a moderate market. They're better at what they do than anyone I know.

The idea for the show came from passion for environment and good timing. The environment was really becoming a hot topic and no one had yet come up with the concept here. The undertaking was going to be big. We never would have considered it without our shared depth of experience. That, we had in spades.

The one thing we didn't have in abundance, was start up capital. 

I wasn't put off though. Fueled with fevered ambition and self confidence, I set to work. I did a very quick and sketchy business plan, registered the show name, website, set the date, booked the venue and got to work on building all the policies, guidelines, sales materials and promotional pieces.

Like some crazed lunatic, I spent the remaining six months of my maternity leave making this show happen. Exhibit and sponsorship sales, floor plan layouts, PR, media, ad and promotional material design, accounting, admin... you name it, I did it all. 

We made it happen! We opened our three day event September 7th 2007.

It was a dismal failure.

Many people have tried to tell me otherwise. My husband, his business partner... even our exhibitors and speakers. Everyone was really supportive. I was told the show was beautiful. Most exhibitors made a point to tell us that they'd never experienced such a high level of quality and would surely sign up to do it all over again. It's just because it's new they said...it's growing pains.

The problem was... we lost our shirts. I made some stupid (and somewhat desperate) compromises in the months before the show. I gave away a ton of exhibit space and paid for features I was hoping to have sponsored. I didn't want to scratch components and have an inferior event just to save some money. I also spent twice my budget on advertising. I was really depending on people coming through the door to break even. People came... we just had nowhere near the numbers I needed. Doubling my advertising clearly wasn't enough. Yikes!

I was heartbroken. I had also sunk several tens of thousands into this show that I wasn't going to be getting back. Yes, I was prepared for that going in, but it really hurts when it becomes reality.

I also feel like I didn't give my baby enough of me during those months. I missed irreplaceable time with her and I'm never going to get over that. Ever.

After licking my wounds for a few months following the show, I did resolve to try again, but I needed a break. That break however turned into avoidance. Avoidance fed mostly by the sucking black whole of debt the first time round, but also by failure and an unwillingness to screw it all up again. 

Today I found an ad for a similar event at the exact location of our show. One with a similar exhibitor list, but also some sponsors that I had courted a couple of years ago that didn't jump on board. That really stings. Can't help but feel I lay some of the groundwork though.

I'm sad. Kinda angry too. At myself.

I'm annoyed I have let time and competition get the better of my event. The event I sacraficed so much for is yet another step closer to proving itself to be a colosal waste of time.

I'm having a very hard time seperating my emotions from this new show. It's their first and first shows are hard. I'm disgusted in myself for hoping they fail as badly as I did. I may go to check it out, but I'm afraid I'll burst into tears on the show floor. If I hadn't invested so much blood, sweat and tears in my own event, I'd be far more supportive. This is for the environment after all. Right now though, I'm just feeling defeated. 

As with every other Remembrance Day for as far back as I can remember, I am wearing a poppy on my left breast. I purchased this one, like all the others in years past from a veteran. When he thanked me, I replied with "no, thank YOU". As I do every year at the eleventh hour on this eleventh day of the eleventh month, I will stand for two minutes in silence and remember both of my grandfathers and remember to be grateful to them and all other soldiers for the life and freedoms I enjoy yet far too often take for granted.

Some years I shed a tear, some years I don't.

When I was young I struggled to find meaning in this day. I realized it was important to honour my Country and our history, but it always felt like just that: history. In the past couple of decades or so, as wars rage in the Middle East and as terrorism has played a starring role in some of the most horrific moments of current events; my present, our present... Remembrance Day has held a deeper meaning and I am sadly, yet paradoxically happy in my awareness of the importance of this day. We're supposed to remember so we don't repeat history. Lest we forget...

Today is also a day of remembrance for someone very special. Madeline Alice Spohr. Madeline should be turning two today. Today should be a day of celebration, cake and presents. Instead, her family and friends will be aching at the loss of her.

Maddie passed away 7 months ago very unexpectedly. It's a divine injustice that she is gone. In fact there's really no way to form into words just how cruel it is that she is gone. Such a tiny person, but her personality, charm and delightful smile has touched so many people. Her passing has inspired incredible generosity, action towards a cause and selfless giving. Maddie has reminded us all how fragile and precious life is. She's reminded me to live my own life with vigor. For that, I will be forever grateful.  

So today I will wear my poppy with national pride. I will pin it to the purple and pink I will wear today with heavy heart. I will do both to remember and to honour. Lest we forget...

Clever one liners, shared stories, pranks, jokes, making light of life...

At times, laughing hard enough is so impossible that breathing is replaced by belly aches and weepy eyes 

Our first moments together easily grew into months and then years; more than a decade 

Friends, lovers, partners

I am bound to you by so much more than time

More so, we two are now three 

The fabric of our beings, joined together for all of time by the birth of our future

Before she, we were nothing but us; you and me

Remembering joy is easy to do

We're lucky...

We've had an abundance to see us through,  

The rough, the wrongs, the pain and the sorrow...

Always stinging; but we've survived

We've managed misery, held on for dear life

I propped you up, you carried me through

No matter what

And through it all, you have always made me laugh

Intuitively knowing when to lighten my mood and how to soothe my soul

Over time, but not without vague expection,

Carefree and laidback have been replaced with stoic responsibility,

and abundant mediocrity

Perhaps it's an avarice we've allowed in?

Clouding the simple, focusing outward instead of within?

Apathy is corroding your intention and compassion

Stark, cold indiffernce to my perception and feelings

crushes

me

to

the

core

I have my own role in where we are now, but I still have value

What I feel is mine, true!

But that doesn't make it less real or insane 

It is not yours to belittle or dismiss as irrelevant

I have value

I thought you valued me?

I want you to make me laugh

Oh how I want to laugh....

Now more than ever

But how can I?

If I feel you're laughing at me?

These are some of my favorites:

2007: Chris and I at a party as Anne Boleyn and Henry the 8th:

2008: Chris as a retired Hooter's waitress:  

2009: Me as Coraline's Doll:

Potty training around here has been a mixed bag of big success and epic failure. It's also being ongoing since Grace was about 18 months old.

She turned 3 in September.

Really? Potty training can take that long? FML.

I used cloth diapers when Grace was a baby. I went back to work full time when Grace was 19 months old. We were trying potty training, but she just wasn't ready. The daycare also doesn't "do" cloth diapers so we needed to make the switch to pull ups. Unfortunately, all that did was train Grace to go in her pull up and not feel wet. This thwarted any success we managed to achieve. For a looong time.

Thankfully, pee training has been mastered for almost a year. Poop? Totally different story. What is it with kids being apprehensive about that anyway?

While on vacation this September, something "clicked" and Grace started telling me she had to go to the toilet before it was too late. Yay! Well, until we got home; then it was back to accidents and extra laundry.

Recently, trips to the toilet have convinced me that my child is just messing with me.

Grace: Mommy I have to poop!

Me: OK, let's go!

...Off to toilet, prepatory application of potty seat etc... where Grace sits for exactly 3 seconds. 

Grace: I don't have to poop anymore.

Me: ::sigh:: Are you sure? Maybe you should sit a bit longer?

Grace: No, it's not ready. First it's mommy is going to read it a story and put it's PJ's on. (At least I don't have to worry about her imagination)

5 minutes later...

Grace: Mommy, I have to poop!

...Repeat above sequence 5 kaprillion times (with varying reasons as to what her poop might be doing)... 

Well, I'm a little scared I'm going to jinx myself... but? The last few days have been accident free. Not story free and certainly not without dramatics, but heh, I think she's got it.

I've wanted to participate in GTT for some time now. I really thought I was going to post last week and talk about my crafty self... but other things got in the way and before I knew it, it was Wednesday. You know, YESTERDAY.

I wasn't letting this week pass me by though, because this week's topic; vices, has my name all over it.

There are a few things I can't live without. These are things I either do or consume - good for me or not, that certainly qualify as vices or weaknesses, but they also make me, me:

• Blogs: Like most of you, I read many, many blogs. I'm an internet junkie and quite simply can't get enough of what people like you write. You make me laugh, cry and have inspired me to at least attempt this rarely updated blog. And hey, look! 3 posts in one week!
• Twitter: 'nuff said
• Magazines: Mostly food and decor / design related. I cave at glossy, sexy pictures and compelling articles. Nothing beats boredom on a gloomy day better than a stack of new magazines. Problem is I also have a very hard time parting with them. To avoid ending up on an episode of Hoarders, I cull the mountains once a year and keep the best with my books.
• Eating: I have a few cravings once in a while for pure junk (a current favorite is Piri Piri potato chips - they're addictively spicy and very more-ish), mostly though, I just love really good, home-made, gourmet-like food. It's why I swear I'll always struggle with weight. I eat very healthy food! I just can't stop putting it in my mouth!
• Kitchen gadgets: If you're a store and you have a section for all things kitchen? Visa thanks you very much.
• Daydreaming: When I was a kid, I was often accused of spending too much time daydreaming and I've never really grown out f it. I can't help it. I have a never ending stream of thoughts and ideas running through my head: things I want to do, make, try, buy, invent, write, photograph, create... I start many a project and finish few. I'm gung-ho at first but then eventually get sidetracked with the next great big idea. I live a huge life! Too bad it's all in my head.
• Wine: Red, white, sparkling... As long as it's good and not crappy swill, I'm in. It goes great with friends, conversation, laughing and food! Current preference is a big red in a stemless balloon glass.

What are your vices?

Click the thumbnail below for the gallery :)

**Edited at 7:50 PM AST. I read a great post here and decided it was a good idea to remove specific references to posts related to the story. I'm sure most are aware of the story anyway. ** ____________________________________________________________________________________

In early 1983, I was 12 and a half. I was mad crazy about Duran Duran and they were going to be playing at Maple Leaf Gardens on March 5th.

John Taylor would be in my city breathing my air... *Swoon*.

Under some sort of magic spell (maybe she smoked crack?), my mother not only permitted me to go see the concert, she also gave me money to buy a ticket.

Euphoria!

My friend Elaine and I went to Ticketmaster only to discover they were SOLD OUT. Yes, I cried. I was *this* close to going and my excitement was crushed cpmpletely. (As a mother now, I'm glad - I mean WHAT was my mother thinking?

Anyway... Let's get closer to concert date shall we?

One of my best friends, Shyvonne had apparently received a response from a crazed and desperate fan letter to Nick Rhodes. He was so grateful for having such a fan that he was bestowing on her two tickets to the concert along with backstage passes. She decided to take our other best friend, Michelle.

Elaine and I were left out. Elaine was crushed, but I didn't buy Shyvonne's story. The letter was in her handwritting for crying out loud!

I balked. I said it was all a bunch of crap.

Most (meaning all the girls, the boys could have cared less) of the grade 7 and 8 classes labeled me as jealous. I literally lost friends overnight. Then it became a hate campaign. My refusal to believe or get excited about the biggest impending event in my estranged friends lives had me not only fiendless, but taunted and sneered at. 

Queue March 5, 1983:

I was still pretty depressed that evening. I wanted to go to that concert more than anything in the world. My mother asked me to go store for her and pick up cream. Maybe she wanted to keep me busy? I had to pass Michelle and Shyvonne's houses en route and even though I knew in my heart that they weren't going anywhere that night, there was still bitter jealousy. The whole damn school believed they were going and so there was this sense of imagined reality. Which at the time, beat the hell out of being friendless.

There was no activity outside Michelle's house, but on passing Shyvonne's I could have died from needing someone else to witness what I saw. I'm unsure of the time, but I do know that the concert had already started... And yet there was Shyvonne, getting into the car with both of her parents and her brother. I wish I had a picture of the look on her face when she saw me.

In the morning I saw Michelle walking to school and I told her what I saw. She kind of eluded that I was right, but shrugged her shoulders and nervously stuck with the story. What else could she do?

What happended next baffled me.

In the school yard, Shyvonne was handing out personalised autograph pages to my squeeling classmates like candy. Also, the grade 7 teacher - can't remember her name. Each one of them, lapping up Shyvonne's account of her incredible night. Recounts of songs sung, meeting idols and being fawned over, hugged and kissed by THEM! Michelle was still playing along, though she wasn't as comfortable in the lie - but she was too far gone not play along.  

Shyvonne made a point of giving me my own autograph page. To Karen it said, (in Shyvonne's handwritting). It was signed by "Roger", "Nick", Simon" and "Andy", but like all the other girls, this was individualized - there was an extra note from my personal favorite, "John". Thanks for being such a grate (yes it was spelled like that) fan. 

What a joke. And all these idiots were falling for it!

Needless to say it got worse for me. Added to jealous bitch, was ungrateful and nasty.

Elaine even defended Shyvonne's integrity by boldly coming up to me at my locker at lunch and seethed "Fight; you and me, 1:00... Be there!"

I spent my entire lunch nauseated and terrified. No one liked me. I was surely going to be ganged up on. I debated not going back to school, but did... Though trembling, I was hoping it would be forgotten.

It wasn't.

A throng of haters crossed the field and my heart could have exploded.

Elaine, my friend... screamed a few things, pointed her finger at me and then turned on her heels to walk away.

That was it?? I got bent out of shape over THAT?

I thought you wanted to fight?? My adrenaline replied...

So that was it. I threw down the gloves and we did fight (like girls). I slammed her into the mucky ground and released some bottled frustration over my being outcast and seeing truth and hating the ignorance of others.

No one was hurt thankfully. Elaine was a bit dirty, but it was over really fast.

Several interesting things happened after that in the days that followed:

1. No one messed with me again. The tormenting stopped.

2. Some people gradually confided in me that they didn't believe a word of Shyvonne and Michelle's story. 
3. Everyone eventually stopped talking about the concert and how lucky Shyvonne and Michelle were.

Ultimately, I know that Shyvonne and Michelle never went to that concert. So do they. But... So what? Would it have served me well to go on and on and on about what liars they were? I just wanted my life back. I wanted friends again.

The girls and teacher that bought the story may have really believed it. They may have been reluctant to see the truth because it would have made them feel foolish. Or, maybe they felt sorry for Shyvonne and Michelle and just let it go. Who am I to judge that? It would have made me no better than the lynch mob that had made my life a living hell.

The real moral of the story: I wasn't remembered for being the only person that didn't believe a lie. I got my firends back and: No one ever believed a thing that came out of Shyvonne's mouth ever again.

I learned a lot at 12 and a half. 

When you think about this story and apply it to the whole fiasco that happend recently in the blogging world (we all know who I'm referencing here) - remember it's not about YOU. I believed the story, RT'd it on Twitter and was really pissed when video surfaced that completely contradicted this blogger's story. Now that my own emotions have simmered about the whole thing I know this is between the blogger and the organization she implicated in her false story. I have nothing to do with it. My trust has been the only casualty for me. It's unfortunate, but not worth Jr. High level dramatics.

I hope she issues real truth and real apologies - but above all, I wish for the hatred to just stop.