So yesterday morning, I was in rare multi-tasking form. Not only did I manage getting myself and my child dressed and prepped for the greatness that is Monday, I also decided to fit in a little domestic operational management too.
Just before heading downstairs, I started sorting out a load of laundry to toss in the wash. As I was bending over, I felt this insanely HOT pain in my right thigh; a fiery jab, followed by another, then another, causing me to drop my pile of clothes to the floor and figure out why an INFERNO was erupting on my leg. Stupidly, I expected a pin or something. But instead, I looked down to see a massive creature tumble off my leg and onto the floor; it was H-U-G-E. Something BIT me!
My eyesight’s not the best and my floors are dark, so at first, it looked a LOT like a tarantula spider . Then I thought, maybe it IS a tarantula. Maybe I was cursed by some ancient tikki idol – just like that time on the Brady Bunch; remember THAT 3-part cliff hanger? I totally thought that tarantula was going to attack and kill Peter.
Then I remembered that I haven't been anywhere near an idol don’t even know anyone that’s been to Hawaii recently and no tarantula wants to live in the cold tundra that is Canada. So I looked again and realized it was actually one of these suckers.
A hornet… a giant freaking hornet! STUNG me. Like 3 times. It wasn’t *quite* as big as this one though:
And did I tell you it hurt? O-U-C-H! This Pain Index - describes the pain better than me.
So then, in my poison venom induced stupor, I have a moment of clarity and stomp on it before it can inflict more pain or tries to kill me. Then I think maybe I should keep it. You know, incase I die and it needs to go in for lab tests as part of my autopsy.I could be allergic people! I was stung once by a wasp in 1986 without a reaction; but this was a mutant hornet!
I was starting to get all the symptoms of anyphalactic shock– my throat was all dry and my heart was racing and my leg was ballooning up… well ok, maybe I just had a little red spot... and I guess the debilitating inability to breathe mild hyperventilating is just from being a total hypochondriac. I told Chris just incase though.
Worst part of thinking you’re dying from a hornet sting? The reminder stingy sensations and leg stiffness, plus I had the creepy crawlies all day. But, I’ve survived 24 hours. I didn’t even need to be rushed to the hospital. But that totally almost happened.
And I STILL got that load of laundry done.
I know, I am awesome.