Falling Down is Hard, Getting Up is Harder. Especially When You've Been Kicked

In March of 2007, my husband and I decided to go with our guts and jump head first into creating, producing, and not to mention funding our very first consumer expo... Ecologic: the Sustainable Lifestyle Show

My hubby and I met each other in the Trade Show and Events industry, so neither of us were new to the game. Chris works on the operations end and my experience lies in the sales/customer service/exhibit side. In 2005, Chris and a good friend of his started their own company. They were doing ok, but were really looking for a way to inject new life into a moderate market. They're better at what they do than anyone I know.

The idea for the show came from passion for environment and good timing. The environment was really becoming a hot topic and no one had yet come up with the concept here. The undertaking was going to be big. We never would have considered it without our shared depth of experience. That, we had in spades.

The one thing we didn't have in abundance, was start up capital. 

I wasn't put off though. Fueled with fevered ambition and self confidence, I set to work. I did a very quick and sketchy business plan, registered the show name, website, set the date, booked the venue and got to work on building all the policies, guidelines, sales materials and promotional pieces.

Like some crazed lunatic, I spent the remaining six months of my maternity leave making this show happen. Exhibit and sponsorship sales, floor plan layouts, PR, media, ad and promotional material design, accounting, admin... you name it, I did it all. 

We made it happen! We opened our three day event September 7th 2007.

It was a dismal failure.

Many people have tried to tell me otherwise. My husband, his business partner... even our exhibitors and speakers. Everyone was really supportive. I was told the show was beautiful. Most exhibitors made a point to tell us that they'd never experienced such a high level of quality and would surely sign up to do it all over again. It's just because it's new they said...it's growing pains.

The problem was... we lost our shirts. I made some stupid (and somewhat desperate) compromises in the months before the show. I gave away a ton of exhibit space and paid for features I was hoping to have sponsored. I didn't want to scratch components and have an inferior event just to save some money. I also spent twice my budget on advertising. I was really depending on people coming through the door to break even. People came... we just had nowhere near the numbers I needed. Doubling my advertising clearly wasn't enough. Yikes!

I was heartbroken. I had also sunk several tens of thousands into this show that I wasn't going to be getting back. Yes, I was prepared for that going in, but it really hurts when it becomes reality.

I also feel like I didn't give my baby enough of me during those months. I missed irreplaceable time with her and I'm never going to get over that. Ever.

After licking my wounds for a few months following the show, I did resolve to try again, but I needed a break. That break however turned into avoidance. Avoidance fed mostly by the sucking black whole of debt the first time round, but also by failure and an unwillingness to screw it all up again. 

Today I found an ad for a similar event at the exact location of our show. One with a similar exhibitor list, but also some sponsors that I had courted a couple of years ago that didn't jump on board. That really stings. Can't help but feel I lay some of the groundwork though.

I'm sad. Kinda angry too. At myself.

I'm annoyed I have let time and competition get the better of my event. The event I sacraficed so much for is yet another step closer to proving itself to be a colosal waste of time.

I'm having a very hard time seperating my emotions from this new show. It's their first and first shows are hard. I'm disgusted in myself for hoping they fail as badly as I did. I may go to check it out, but I'm afraid I'll burst into tears on the show floor. If I hadn't invested so much blood, sweat and tears in my own event, I'd be far more supportive. This is for the environment after all. Right now though, I'm just feeling defeated. 

Lest We Forget...

It's Remembrance Day in Canada. A day that is dedicated to remembering and being grateful to the countless men and women that lost their lives in past and far too recent battles, defending the values and democracy that define the country I am proud to call my own.

As with every other Remembrance Day for as far back as I can remember, I am wearing a poppy on my left breast. I purchased this one, like all the others in years past from a veteran. When he thanked me, I replied with "no, thank YOU". As I do every year at the eleventh hour on this eleventh day of the eleventh month, I will stand for two minutes in silence and remember both of my grandfathers and remember to be grateful to them and all other soldiers for the life and freedoms I enjoy yet far too often take for granted.

Some years I shed a tear, some years I don't.

When I was young I struggled to find meaning in this day. I realized it was important to honour my Country and our history, but it always felt like just that: history. In the past couple of decades or so, as wars rage in the Middle East and as terrorism has played a starring role in some of the most horrific moments of current events; my present, our present... Remembrance Day has held a deeper meaning and I am sadly, yet paradoxically happy in my awareness of the importance of this day. We're supposed to remember so we don't repeat history. Lest we forget...

Today is also a day of remembrance for someone very special. Madeline Alice Spohr. Madeline should be turning two today. Today should be a day of celebration, cake and presents. Instead, her family and friends will be aching at the loss of her.

Maddie passed away 7 months ago very unexpectedly. It's a divine injustice that she is gone. In fact there's really no way to form into words just how cruel it is that she is gone. Such a tiny person, but her personality, charm and delightful smile has touched so many people. Her passing has inspired incredible generosity, action towards a cause and selfless giving. Maddie has reminded us all how fragile and precious life is. She's reminded me to live my own life with vigor. For that, I will be forever grateful.  

So today I will wear my poppy with national pride. I will pin it to the purple and pink I will wear today with heavy heart. I will do both to remember and to honour. Lest we forget...