Making Every Moment Count

My mother and Grace, summer 2008

I'm long overdue to post an update on my mom and I've had several emails and DM's over the past few weeks from lovely, concerned friends. The community support is helping me cope in ways you cannot imagine. Thank you. So without further adieu, here's what's new... 

My brother finally knows. I ended up having to tell him via email. I talked to his girlfriend on the phone the next day. As expected, he's not taking it too well. Though who does, really? He still hasn't called my mom though. And the hurt is really starting to show. 

My mother is... ok. Just ok. Her appetite is waining. She is struggling with sleep; pain from the tumors is waking her up and keeping her up. The worry that comes to keep the pain company isn't helping either.

There have been a few good, even great days lately; we tend to encourage all hope on those days, but it sometimes feels like we're feeding denial a plate full of pixie dust and rainbows. Though she paid dearly for overdoing it the next day, my mom and I went shopping on Sunday and she said she had a great time - we got a bit of Christmas shopping out of the way and bought luggage (in bright, happy and optimistic colours of turquoise and plum) for our upcoming trip to Toronto.  

Yes. For the first time since 2002, we will be in Toronto for Christmas. 

I'm conflicted. Equally excited and melancholy and angry about what this trip means. To all of us. Christmas has always been a time of joy and family and happiness for our family. We celebrate and love each other extra specially at that time of year. I love it. This year, I will get to see friends and family I'm not accustomed to seeing at Christmas anymore and the prospect of that has turned this Christmas into one of childhood excitement! However, this trip has a darker purpose attached to it as well. This may be my mother's last Christmas and she wants to use this time to say goodbye. Oh how my heart crumples at the mere thought... 

I'm not ready mom. I still need you...   

The brighter side of the dark side? She is being referred to a Melanoma specialist at the Princess Margaret Hospital; there are more treatment options there. It also means I will likely come back to NS without her. But I can't think about that right now. I want to focus on the good stuff!

We have magical plans for our whirlwind 9 days in Toronto!

We arrive first thing in the morning on December 23rd. Last minute Christmas shopping and a visit to Santa are on the agenda for the day. Later, we'll settle into the little basement bachelor at our house in the city. I wanted my mom to stay with her friend, but she doesn't want to miss a moment with Grace. She said if this is her last Christmas, she's not going to miss a thing. So, it will be cozy to say the least! The apartment is only 300sqft, but there's not enough money in the budget for a hotel, so we'll make do. I have a philanthropic request in that may change that, even for one night; we'll see what happens. I'm not being shy about asking for help to make my mother's Christmas magical, she deserves it and would never, EVER ask anyone for help but I'm glad to do it on her behalf. It's literally the least I can do.  

Christmas Eve is going to be wonderful. My mother just spent an insane amount of money (thanks Visa) on two front row box seats in the Grand Ring to see The National Ballet of Canada's The Nutcracker. I'm heartbroken that she's having to go through so much to create a special memory for Grace. It's so completely perfect and lovely and wonderful though. It will be a monumental event for both of them. Grace LOVES dancing and music and theatre... THIS will blow her mind. I'm not even going and I'm looking forward to THIS more than anything during our trip. We're planning on topping off the evening at the Old Spaghetti Factory. We just want a nice, yet low key and inexpensive family dinner and the kitsch and nostalgia factor of the Spaghetti Factory fits the bill nicely. 

Christmas Day we will be with family and our best family friends. We haven't had Christmas all together like this in at least 20 years I think... I can't wait. 

Also in the planner to do before I leave January 1st: 

• skating at Nathan Phillips Square - Grace will LOVE this, she's only ever skated at our local 40 year old arena
• Disney on Ice (I cannot thank Maria from BoredMommyBlog ENOUGH for this! I cried when she told me she had tickets for me. I was blown away. Love you Maria!)
• Family photo session with my lovely and incredibly talented high school friend Jen. Who, as luck would have it, is visiting Toronto from California over the holidays. I can't wait to have professional pictures of my family to cherish 
• A mini holiday reunion with several high school friends
• A tweet up with several of my bloggy friends 
• As much time with family as possible 
• Meet ups with a long list of friends that want to see us while we're there
• New Years Eve 

I will be completely knackered by the time I get home. But this really is shaping up to be the best Christmas ever! 

Comments

[katie]

I really hope that your trip here will be magical and special for both your mom and Grace (and you). I will be thinking of you during those days and sending all the good vibes that you get a crystal clear day at Nathan Phillips. If you open up the meet up to the blogosphere, I'd love to drop by for a toast.