My inner critic needs a gag order.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009 at 10:38AM I'm in a bit of a rut.
I honestly didn't think I would find myself in a blog writting rut so early in my blog writting experience; but here I am...
I've been mulling over the possible reasons why, because anyone who knows me in real life will tell you I always have something to say. So what gives?
I started my blog after years of reading. I comment a lot. I'm also a lurker. I'm sorry about that; now that I have my own space, I regret the times that I lurk, it's just not right that I don't always take a minute to say I enjoyed what I read. I'm thrilled when I get comments and I can't imagine that feeling gets old; otherwise we'd all be happy with one sided conversations.
I had a few ideas of what I'd like to blog about when I started... my family, my passion for food and photography... even my agoraphobia. I've touched on all of those a little, but not nearly enough. And there's a ton of other random things I'd love to talk about, but I'm concerned I'll seem scattered and unfocused. Should I be serious or funny? Please Jeebus, whatever it is just don't make me come off as depressing or corny...
Problem is I really don't want to get stuck into a particular category of blogger, but at the same time I also want to develop a connection with like minded people. I want to share my soul, but I'm so afraid of being judged - or worse, being ignored. I really want to fit into this community somewhere and yet I always find I feel like I don't belong because I don't know you well enough and haven't kept up with every single tweet or post.
So I find I'm doing what I do best when I'm not on top of my game; I do other things. I avoid the task at hand in an effort to skirt around failure. If I don't write, I don't risk hurting my pride or my ego. If I don't read, I won't know what I'm missing.
I can't stop reading though. I have come to love so many of you and I find more and more people to read every day. I hang on your words. You make me laugh and you have made me cry too. I have gotten to know you and yet, I know I am failing at giving you more insight into me. All because I'm afraid you really could care less.
I suppose I need to trust. Trust, yet at the same time be comfortable and confident in the fact that even if no one reads this blog, I will at least be able to learn more about myself.
Reader Comments (8)
This is the first time I stopped by. I am going thru the same feelings right now. But I also find that the more I post, the more I feel that if people don't comment, it's okay. And if my posts seem all over the place, that's okay too. It's your blog. Do anything you want with it. If someone judges via comment, just delete the comment. You don't have to accept their judgements into your world.
I'll be back. :)
Just wanted to let you know that I read your posts. I have a bad habit of lurking as well. I don't know why. I love getting comments on my blog.
I've been blogging for 4 years and the feeling of fear of being judged or ignored comes and goes in cycles. At least for me. But people still come and read, regardless of how I feel about my writing.
As long as you are true to yourself when writing, that's all that matters, in my opinion anyway.
I feel you. I'm all over the place, too. This week, actually, has been the first week ever I really felt comfortable in my blog space and it's because I decided to write about whatever I would chat about with a friend. And so who cares if one day it's breastfeeding activism and attachment parenting and the next how to cook a 3-course meal and the next about church marquees?
My advice to you (albeit completely unsolicited :)) would be to relax and pretend you and your reader are sharing a cocktail and yakking it up. You'll be surprised how natural it all feels.
I'm still your bess fwend though right???
this blog is for you and whoever comes, comes. who ever reads, reads. Just be you, may sound trite but I promise you by just being you that will attract those of a like mind. the one thing I was taught over and over again as a writer is "don't write for others" and I often have to remind myself of that everyday. I can only be who I am and I believe that goes for most people
I am right there with ya. My posts are all over the place. Who cares, let's just do our thing. xoxo
me loves yous too.
Take the plunge! Don't be afraid to be diverse but focus on the subjects that mean the most. Give yourself the opportunity to do "showcase", "spotlight", or "weekly" themes that cover the ground you really want to tread.
I think I've written about everything including my bowel movements.. and if I haven't yet, I really should. They aren't normal and I need feedback because I'm quite concerned that I'm an oddity or freak of poop nature.